Fear of Falling
by hermionesmydawg
Summary: When Kensi internalizes her feelings about Deeks becoming a special agent, it starts a downward spiral that ultimately affects her ability to connect with him. She'll have to relearn how to be honest and unafraid again in order to get their relationship, and sex life, back on track. Luckily for her, Deeks is willing to do almost anything to help.


**I own nothing relating to NCIS Los Angeles or any of the characters in this work. If anybody asks about whether or not I own any of the mentioned paraphernalia, I'll most likely deny it. :D**

 **Yes, this is an M story with sexual themes and activities, but I wouldn't call it a PWP because it deals with several elements of a functioning relationship. This story assumes that Deeks will eventually be cleared of any wrongdoing during the LAPD Internal Affairs investigation.**

* * *

Seeing him again was like a breath of fresh air. Like a rainbow after a summer thunderstorm. Or for Kensi, like seeing the hot donuts sign flashing in the window of Krispy Kreme when she was absolutely starving.

It had been 29 long (excruciatingly long) days since Deeks flew to South Carolina to attend the NCIS Criminal Investigator Training Program. They both initially had mixed emotions about his transition from local LEO to federal agent, but after much deliberation he decided the career change would be good for him. She agreed that it was great...for him. For them as a couple? Well, that was yet to be determined.

Halfway through his program, Kensi took a couple of days off of work to visit him. It had been a long time since she'd seen the Atlantic Ocean anyway, or at least that was the excuse she gave everyone. Charleston was great and all, but really, she needed to see her partner. She needed to see his excitement about becoming an agent to make her realize this was the best thing for him, that her own selfish thoughts were better kept to herself. When he was just Deeks, her partner and friend, she pushed him all the time to become an agent. Now that they were far more than that, she felt like him leaving the LAPD was like losing their safety net. They had nothing to fall back on anymore if a problem between their relationship and work arose.

And he was excited, and happy, and way too eager to see her. Kensi had always likened him to a Golden Retriever, and he proved her point again by practically tackling her and covering her face with kisses. _God_ , she had missed him. She pushed down the fears of any potential permanent separations for them (and those dreaded fucking words - you've been reassigned). They ate and drank, and slept together in his dorm room like they were in college again. He talked about how he was the old guy in his classes, and that he was nothing like the rest of his group but everybody looked up to him. "Me, of all people. I'm the tough guy in this group," he said. "They don't make them like Sam and Callen anymore, I'll tell you that."

She linked her fingers through his hands, calloused from years of shooting pistols and fighting bad guys, and explained all the reasons she loved her tough guy. Her superhero disguised as the gentle surfer dude. They made love like dumb kids, desperate and eager and silly. Every kiss, squeeze, and thrust shot to her heart like he was telling her everything was fine. Great, even.

Unfortunately, her brain or body wouldn't allow her to find the release she needed with him. That inability on her part did nothing to settle her nerves about their situation, that was for damn sure.

"You didn't..."

"I don't think it's gonna happen for me tonight," she interrupted.

Deeks frowned. "That sucks."

"It's fine," she reassured him, and his ego. Maybe this was her own personal punishment for thinking of herself and her fears instead of just being happy for him. In the big picture of their weekend, lost orgasms were just a blip on the radar compared to seeing his smile, hearing his laugh, and being his everything again.

One more month, and he would be home. By then she will have adjusted to her new special agent, and wouldn't be so focused on the things she's lost and might possibly lose in the future.

* * *

"Come on, whip it out."

Deeks reached into his pants and pulled out his new badge, opening the leather flap with overly dramatic flair. "Wapow!"

Sam grinned and clapped him on the back. "I'm proud of you, man."

"Me too, Deeks." Callen met him in the middle of the open space bullpen, grasping his hand in a tight shake.

Kensi watched all of her boys, as she liked to think of them, with a warm smile. The pride that filled her heart to see her boyfriend and partner waving his new badge around made her feel like it would burst and splatter the yellow walls of the Mission with "I love Marty Deeks" graffiti. Deeks was back and better than ever, and her world was (mostly) back to normal.

A sharp whistle sounded from the second floor. Eric bowed to them all and waved his hand to the stairs. "Special Agents," he said with extra emphasis on the S. "We've got a case."

Sam and Callen sprinted the stairs, bickering about the last time either of them said they were proud of the other one, and how they can't give Deeks any more special treatment. "Maybe he should have another initiation phase," Callen suggested.

Kensi rolled her eyes and stood to meet her partner, linking her arm through his as they headed to the stairs. "Come on, Probie."

"Oh, really?" She couldn't help but grin at the adorable annoyance on his face, and the way his new haircut was growing out and framing his face perfectly. "You only get away with calling me that because you're cute, Bunny."

Her eyes widened and she pinched his love handle. It was considerably smaller than when he left, probably because he hadn't been tempted by candy and ice cream and donuts like usual. He laughed and winked (kinda) and she forgave him (kinda). The nickname Bunny was funny and not funny at the same time. After she returned from South Carolina as an only partially satisfied woman, she and Deeks had shared a rather playful exchange of texts.

 _"Say hey to Bunny for me," he sent._

 _Confused, she replied back. "Who is Bunny?"_

 _"Your other boyfriend in the top drawer of your nightstand."_

 _"Jealous?" She grinned, all the while thinking that Deeks actually had given her a good idea to try to calm her anxiety down._

 _His response was enough to solidify the plan in her mind. "Only because it gets to play with your pussy tonight and I don't."_

She didn't tell him that even her Rabbit failed to get her off that night, and that every attempt over the next month that he was gone failed as well. When he finally made it back home, it shouldn't have been much of a surprise that the big O remained in hiding no matter how long he kept his face buried between her legs. Too much anticipation, she blamed it on this time, knowing full well that it was a lie. If he knew she was lying, he didn't let on. They both ignored the rising tension between them...until the Bunny comment anyway.

Kensi couldn't tell him the real reason she was burdened - that she selfishly didn't want him to become an agent and couldn't tell him, and that her own inner turmoil was controlling everything that reminded her of him. Or at least, that was the problem in the beginning. She didn't know what the hell her issue was now.

It was clear that her...situation was on his mind. Maybe they would talk about it today. Or sometime in the near future. As she watched him climb the stairs in his impossibly tight jeans, she repeated in her head over and over again: _orgasms aren't everything in a relationship_.

But damn, they sure were an added bonus.

* * *

Kensi let out a small noise, something like a cross between a yelp and a moan. The lazy swirling of the tongue around her nipple took a wonderfully violent turn when his mouth clamped down on her breast, sucking the sensitive flesh between his tongue and teeth. Bucking her jean clad hips against his chest, she twisted her fingers in his blond curls and made her funny little noise again, asking for more.

It didn't really matter that she seemed overly needy. She was beyond needy. She had to consciously control herself so she didn't start dry humping Deeks at every opportunity. Like right now, but at least dry humping is an acceptable form of foreplay when one or both of you are missing a few items of clothing. Kensi was ready to be missing all of their clothing.

Her lack of O was getting to her, psyching her out. Some days she ignored it, thinking that it would come back if it felt unwanted. Other days she desperately tried to coax it out of hiding with the help of a yummy surfing special agent with the tongue of a devil.

Yes, she was so far gone that she'd started mentally referring to her orgasm as if it were a living being, completely separate from her body. Deep down she knew that the more she thought about it, the less likely she was to achieve it. She just needed to get the monkey off of her back so she could relax. Then maybe she could get over the proverbial hump in her sex life. In fact, she was meaning to talk to Deeks tonight about her relationship concerns. But then shirts came off and mouths landed on nipples, and she got a little distracted.

A stream of warm air blew from Deeks' nose and he released his grip on her. His lips curled, like they always did when he was deep in thought about something, and he climbed further up her body so he see her face to face. "Is it me?"

Kensi tilted her head and chuckled nervously under his intense gaze. She knew what he was talking about, but played innocent anyway. Maybe it would be easier to talk about it if he initiated the conversation. "Is what you?"

"Don't do that, that whole doe eyed confused thing. I'm pretty sure you haven't had an orgasm while we're together for a few months now." He shifted slightly, slipping his arms under her shoulders. "Did I do something wrong, or am I doing something wrong?"

Kensi sighed in defeat. It killed her for him to think that somehow this was his fault, when it was really the opposite. "It's not just...with you," she said with a cringe.

"None at all?"

"None. At. All," she confirmed.

The worry in his face grew worse. "Are you...okay?"

"I'm fine. It's a mental thing. You can't do it once and then you start to obsess over it and the next thing you know you're buying tons of sex toys on Amazon to try to cure yourself. It's kinda funny if you...think about it." She cleared her throat and looked away from his wide eyes.

Playing with her splayed hair across the pillow, Deeks looked lost in thought for a moment. Any multitude of ideas could have been running through his head. The last time he remembered her screaming out his name. What kinds of toys somebody like Kensi would buy. Pocket, magnum, battery operated or not. Whether Amazon had a special warehouse just for dildos.

"Okay, fine." Kensi wrapped her arms around his waist, thankful for the body heat. It was time for her to just come out and say it. "It started when you left to go to FLETC."

"I know when it started," he responded quietly.

"I was feeling...emotionally conflicted. Because I was proud of you, I mean, I'm still proud. And I want you to be happy because I love you."

"But?"

"But...it wasn't what I wanted."

He stared at her in disbelief. "Since when?"

"Since we became," she paused, shrugging as best as she could under the weight of his body. " _We_. LAPD was stable, a solid backup plan in case...in case of anything. But now you could get reassigned, I could get reassigned, we could fuck up and they decide we can't work together, and then what?"

"See, this is the kind of thing you're supposed to tell your boyfriend, oh, I don't know, _before_ he makes a career change that affects both of us." Despite his undercover training, he was unable to cover up the hurt in his voice.

Kensi blinked her eyes rapidly and frowned, knowing full well that he was right. "I know, but this was the best thing for you and I was being selfish. If I had told you this a few months ago, you would have found an excuse not to become an agent and I couldn't carry that guilt. So I put you first, and I don't regret it. Now I know that if things happen, we'll just figure it out. Right?"

She studied him, waiting patiently for his reaction. If anything, he seemed surprised. Maybe he wasn't used to Kensi or anybody else putting his feelings before their own. Maybe he was a little distracted by her hands roaming over the back pockets of his jeans. She was starting to feel better already. It was if a massive weight had been lifted off of her chest. Honesty was a good thing.

"We'll figure it out," he finally echoed softly before dropping his lips to hers. "But I'm still not happy about the secret keeping."

Her hands squeezed his ass as she nipped her teeth against his lower lip. "Any way I can make it up to you?"

* * *

They fired in unison, and for once firing nearly identical weapons. Thankfully, for Deeks' sake, NCIS allowed him to keep a Smith & Wesson 910 as his backup weapon, but encouraged his use of the Sig Sauer that the rest of the field agents at OSP carried. He didn't complain too much - he liked the trigger pull and that it was also a single action/double action pistol like his S&W. The grip was different, and he was still trying to get used to the sights on it. He'd been putting in a lot of time at the firing range, and Kensi had been right there with him.

"Not bad," she said, pulling her earmuffs off. Compared to her target, his was a bit of a mess, but that was normal for them. He thought her marksmanship skills were amazing, and she knew that his aim was always better when he was under pressure and the adrenaline was pumping.

"It's getting better." Deeks tugged his target paper down and surveyed the damage. He made a face that could only be described as "meh" before tossing his target on the pile of bullet riddled papers. "You done?"

Kensi shook her head. "Just a few more rounds and I'll be good. Catch you in a bit?"

"Alright," he shrugged, planting a kiss on her cheek before walking out. She smiled and waited till he was out of the armory before replacing her magazine and rapid firing all twelve shots into her target's center mass. Then to add insult to injury, she pulled her father's knife from her pants and flung down range. It missed, only because it flew straight through the hole in the target's chest.

"Damn," she muttered, removing her muffs again.

Wide eyes were waiting on the other side of the glass door when she turned around. Nell appeared a little frightened but entered the firing range anyway when Kensi signaled her through.

"We need to brief up in Ops. Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Kensi lied. But this was Nell, maybe she could talk to her about her lady troubles. It was a better alternative than Hetty. Hetty's evil Jedi ass was probably in a constant state of physical bliss. "No. It's not."

Nell was surprised that Kensi actually admitted something was wrong. "Oh. Ah, is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," Kensi groaned, leaning her butt against the shelf behind her. "My cummer's stuck."

"I'm...sorry what?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "I can't O."

"Ooooooh." Nell's eyebrows shot to the ceiling. "Wow, that is unfortunate."

Whether Nell wanted to hear it or not, Kensi let loose about all of her mental insecurities and how she hid something from Deeks and that she thought being honest would cure her, and truthfully Nell looked like she never wanted to know so much about Kensi and Deeks' sex life but it was too late to run for the hills now.

"And I thought that maybe I could then, but I still couldn't," Kensj finished her story. "So I faked it. Why would I fake it? Why?!"

"Yeah..." Nell drawled. "No offense, but revealing one thing only to hide another? Probably not the best decision at the time."

"Ugh, I know," Kensi groaned. "Any advice?"

Nell nodded with a grim look on her face. "Clearly you should break up."

"What?!"

"Idiot," Nell grumbled. "How about talking to Deeks about this instead of me? And if he comes to me with any of your issues, I'm kicking both of your asses."

"Okay," Kensi laughed.

"Also? Chill the fuck out. If you stop worrying about it, I'm sure it'll happen."

* * *

Nell's words stuck with Kensi for the rest of the day, and that night she told Deeks that maybe they should plan one of their nights off from each other. He agreed, saying he wanted to catch up on the "quality" TV shows on his DVR. It was an insult to her own taste in television entertainment, but she couldn't bear to sit through Game of Thrones with him, so...yeah, he had a fair point.

The next night Kensi had a headache. Not a fake one either, she got slammed head first into the back of an SUV while chasing a suspect that morning. Deeks took her home, gave her four ibuprofen, and tucked her peacefully into bed, alone, for the night.

The night after, they all worked into the wee hours of the morning. It was nearly 3:00 when the pair collapsed on his couch. The only tongue action was between Monty and Kensi's toes. Dogs could be really weird sometimes.

They existed as partners without benefits for those few days, and somehow that was for the best. By Friday, the case was closed and everyone was sent home early as a reward for their extra effort. As Kensi and Deeks sat in her Cadillac, she found herself starting to get anxious again.

"Your place or mine?" The question she asked was part of their daily routine, almost instinctual.

"Yours," Deeks answered. He had an oddly mischievous glint in his eye. "You mind if we swing by my place and pick up Monty?"

She pursed her lips and put the car in drive, heading towards his apartment. "You planning on staying the whole weekend?"

"If it's okay with you."

An hour later the trio filed into her small apartment. Monty inspected the place for intruders, as usual, before circling and plopping on his dog bed adjacent to the kitchen. His owner smiled contentedly at his canine companion before approaching Kensi and squeezing her shoulders.

"Unnnfff," she moaned, tossing her head back to show appreciation for the impromptu massage. God, her muscles were tense. The rhythmic circling, then pressing, of Deeks' thumbs against her upper back was heavenly and damn close to putting her to sleep. Until he stopped and rested his chin on her shoulder, anyway.

"Relax," he said softly. The warm breath against her neck sparked a shiver that ran from the base of her spine to the tip of her toes, which she subconsciously wiggled in her boots. "Go take a shower and get comfy. We can order in tonight."

The inflection of his voice was odd, almost too soothing to be Deeks. But he was a good boyfriend and a good partner and knew this week had been rough on her. A quiet, relaxing evening at home sounded like perfection. "One thing I want you to do in the shower, though," he added.

She smiled, imagining some sort of naughty request. "What's that?"

"I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to come back with an honest answer. So. Are you afraid of me choosing the job over you? _Or_ , is it you're worried you would pick the job over me?" He tapped her lightly on the butt, pushing her now frozen body towards her bathroom. "Take your time."

Kensi swallowed deeply and walked with her head held high to her room. Evidently her confession had sparked some concerns of his own, and until now they haven't had the time to hash them out yet. His question was fair, though. And the answer was simple. Still, she lingered in the shower, letting the hot water continue the massage he had started a few minutes prior. She washed her hair, shaved her legs, lathered her body with lotion, and threw on an old t-shirt before stepping back out to her living room.

"Both," she announced to Deeks, Monty, and the 5:00 news anchor on the television.

Deeks handed her a beer and motioned for her to join him on the couch. "Fair answer, I guess."

"I'm just as afraid of hurting you as I am of being hurt myself." She took a big swig of the ice cold beer and sighed. "I guess I needed you to ask for me to realize that. I think it's making me doubly anxious."

"Yeah," he responded, slowly and a little sourly. "It's pretty obvious that you're dealing with something."

 _A couple of somethings_ , Kensi thought.

"A few somethings," he continued, as if he'd read her mind. "You and me, we need to get our shit together. You need to know that no matter if I'm working for NCIS, LAPD, or the traveling circus, you're number one to me. And when you hide stuff from me, it makes me feel like, well..."

She snorted softly. "Number 2?"

"Exactly," he said with a grin.

"I'm sorry for not just being upfront about it. We're supposed to be past this." Two years ago, Kensi never thought she would be able to say the following words, but now they came easily. "You're number one for me too, Deeks."

"Good."

"Good."

They drank and sat in silence, watching the news and occasionally sharing a look or a smile. Kensi crossed her legs and tugged her shirt down to her knees, for some reason feeling a little self-conscious. It probably had something to do with the fact that most of Deeks' glances were at her thighs and the small patch of her underwear that was visible beneath the shadows.

"Alright, admit it." Deeks broke the silence first. "You faked it the other night."

"Damn." Kensi cringed. "You knew?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course I knew. You get an A plus for effort, but I've experienced the real thing enough to recognize a poor substitution." He took her empty beer bottle and set it on the coffee table next to his own. "I miss the real thing."

"You're not the only one." Bitterness singed her voice and she hated that.

Licking his lips, Deeks scooted closer to her on the couch. "Ya know, I'm always willing to help."

"Ha, yeah, and thank you." His fingers started dancing across her calves, and even that little bit of contact sent a rush of warmth through her body. Shit, she would explode if she didn't find some sort of release soon. "But, um, I'm not so sure this time will have a different outcome from the last."

Seriously, just saying the word outcome made her think of gripping her fingers in cool sheets, a light sheen of sweat chilling her as her body writhed in sweet desperation. So sad.

"So make it different," he simply said.

"Not sure I follow?"

"I'm just saying..." His fingers traced higher up her leg, lightly massaging the sore muscles above her knee. "If what we're doing isn't working, then maybe we should try something different."

Kensi narrowed her eyes curiously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Anything you desire, m'lady." Deeks traced a faded scar, a childhood accident on her swing set, until his hand settled right under the hem of her tee shirt. "I could talk detective again, since you seem to miss your private Dick."

"Really?" She tried, and failed, to kick him.

"You want naughtier than that? You could tie me up. I could tie you up. Buy a sex swing, or a sex wedge. We could do a little booty action. Maybe a strip tease? You wanna role-play? You could put a collar on me, with a little leash, but Monty might get jealous..."

If it weren't for the fit of laughter enveloping his body, Kensi would have been more than a little scared of the ideas popping into his head. She couldn't help but laugh along with him. The mental image of him in a collar would be the source of many laughs for a long time to come. "As fun as it may be," she said, catching her breath. "I don't think making you my pet is gonna make me come any easier."

The sound that escaped from him could only be described as a purr. It took her by surprise, though it shouldn't have. Deeks had that look in his eyes, the intensely hungry look that meant one of two things: he's about to eat fish tacos, or her. As quickly as it appeared, he pushed it away and returned to his regular goofy grin. "I wasn't actually serious about any of those things, but they made you laugh, so...I have a proposal for you. Maybe that was a bad choice of words. I have a deal to make with you."

 _A deal?_ This could be dangerous. "Listening."

"Since we're equals-"

"Well, not really," she interrupted playfully. "I'm a junior agent and you're still a probie."

He glared at her and she bit her lips between her teeth. "Anyway, boss. As I was saying, we're equals. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or something like that. So, the deal is...you don't come, I don't come."

"Really?" Kensi asked, dumbfounded.

"Really." He definitely wasn't enthralled with the plan, evidenced by the wince on his face when offered it to her. But he was a man of his word, and the fact that he cared so much about her that he offered to hold himself back meant more than words could express.

"Okay." Kensi winked and stood up from the couch. "Where's your leash?"

"Ha! Oh God, you don't..." Deeks shook his head and laughed at her joke. "Yeah, no. Actually, I had something else in mind."

* * *

It was awkward for her, but he didn't seem to be phased in the slightest by the contents of her top drawer of shame being poured out onto her comforter. She wanted to kick herself for letting her anxiety rise again. This was Deeks. He was being really understanding. He was also laughing. Hard.

"Wow, you weren't kidding," he said, snorting as he rifled through her collection. It really wasn't that many, but he was doing his best to keep their situation light and easy. "Does Amazon have anything left now? Think of all the sad lonely people that have been saving up their Amazon points for..." His eyes widened as he picked up a small black toy. "Really? A butt plug?"

Kensi crossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders weakly. "It came with one of the other ones."

"Yeah, too bad you couldn't come with any of the other ones. Hey-oh!"

"Wow." As hard as she tried, she couldn't be mad at him. That stupid happy grin on his face wore her down, and surprisingly, put her at ease. "You having fun? Who knew fake dicks were your forte."

"Yes, I'm having fun," he answered seriously. "Sex is fun. Toys are fun. So according to the transitive property, sex toys are fun."

"I don't think you understand the transitive property."

"I don't think I understand how this one works," he quipped back, eyeing a complex toy inquisitively. "Oh, I see. Front, middle, and back. Wow. Too complicated." He tossed it back in the drawer and picked up her Rabbit, putting in the drawer as well. "Sorry Bunny, you're out too."

Kensi opened her mouth to protest, but realized that defending a battery operated pleasure device wouldn't be worth the effort. Also, for some reason seeing him look at all of her sex toys was making her hornier than she thought it would. "Is there, uh, something in particular you're looking for? Cause this is getting a little weird."

"This is huge." Deeks ignored her, holding up a large cream-colored dildo. "You're going to give me a complex with this thing."

"Seriously."

"Wait." Crawling on her bed, he reached under her pillow and retrieved a toy small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. It must have rolled under there when she dumped everything out. When he held it up and twisted, the tiny instrument buzzed and whirred furiously. "Perfect," he said with a satisfied grin.

"Perfect?" Kensi placed her hands on her hips. "That little thing made me feel like my eyeballs were vibrating, no."

"You're not supposed to put it on your eyeballs, Kens."

"I know that, idiot, I-"

A soft knocking on the front door and a loud howl from Monty interrupted her. "Pizza's here!" Deeks exclaimed, quickly cleaning up her bed and replacing the drawer.

She stared in disbelief. "You ordered a pizza."

"What?!" He was halfway out of her room and answering the front door in a flash. "Gotta eat so we have energy for other things."

The unsuspecting pizza delivery girl handed the pizza over as Kensi joined him at the front door, glancing briefly at Kensi's bare legs before focusing on Deeks again. Kensi ignored their visitor and continued to balk at her boyfriend. "So we're gonna casually look at-"

"Uh huh."

"And then just sit and eat some pizza."

Deeks thanked the girl and closed the door, sniffing their half veggie/half pepperoni pizza. "We could watch a movie, too, I guess."

"No." Kensi shook her head. It was official - her boyfriend was insane. Either that or he had balls of steel. "Bedroom. Now."

"Why?" The box of pizza almost fell out of his hands, narrowly landing on the counter top as she dragged him by his belt loops back to her bedroom. "I've got all weekend to get blue balls, what's the rush?"

As she forced him into her room, amid his protests, she already had it set in her mind that she was probably going to break their pact. Her competitive nature kicked in, and it became less of an agreement to keep him from reaching orgasm. No, now it was a challenge to make him want to. Let him worry about her satisfaction - she wanted him to crave the release she's been needing for months. Maybe even beg for it. "Shirt off," she ordered when the backs of her knees stopped at her bed.

"You've got that look in your eye, Blye," he told her, voice muffled by his white tee shirt as he tugged it over his head.

Ignoring him, she dragged her mouth across the skin of his belly, placing particularly tender kisses along the two soft circular scars. They served as a reminder to her of both his strength and vulnerability. With her fingers still looped in his pants, she pulled them as low as they could go on his hips, licking the indentions his boxer shorts had left in his pale skin. He smelled like salty air and sweat and she wanted to taste every inch of his skin, like a human lollipop. Hmmm, maybe she shouldn't have dismissed the pizza. She was kind of hungry, but horny was winning out over hungry.

Of course, right at that moment her stomach growled. She could practically hear the taunting smirk in Deeks' voice as he watched her fumble with his belt buckle. "Hungry?"

"Starving." Refusing to look up yet, she managed to undo his pants and send them to his ankles with a jingle and a thud. The boxers he was wearing were new to her, and it struck her that she had barely paid attention to such things about him lately. It was a shame, too, cause she really enjoyed pleasuring him. She'd been so focused on her own issues and how they affected their relationship that she hadn't remembered to do the fun things.

Like giving head. That was a very fun thing. She smiled and ghosted her lips across the visible bulge in his shorts, smiling even wider as his growing erection bobbed back and forth at her continued affections, silently asking her to free him from his cloth restraint. Little awesome things that were so distinctly Deeks made her enjoy this even more.

One of those things that she loved was the sound he made when she wrapped her fingers around his length, and the low rumble in his throat when she gently cupped his balls, almost like he was laughing gleefully. "Um. Whatcha doing?"

"Hmm." Her eyes flashed with delight as she gazed up at him, right before swirling her tongue playfully around the tip of his cock. "Having fun," she answered with a shrug.

"Having fun, no..." Deeks paused, his breath catching in his throat as she slid him completely into her mouth in agonizingly slow fashion. "I know exactly what you're doing. This is not a competition."

He knew her way too well. Okay fine, so it wasn't supposed to be a competition to see who could make the other one scream first. That didn't mean she couldn't take him to the brink before he had his chance to try to break her coital curse. Gripping him solidly at his base with her hand, she flattened her tongue against his underside, licking firmly as she massaged him with her hand. His complaints ceased for a moment as he simply enjoyed her sucking him off. With every passing second, she felt him grow harder and herself become more confident.

He whimpered softly and wiggled his fingers at his side as his breath started coming harder and faster. Another distinctly Deeks thing that she loved? The way be never could figure out what to do with his hands until he relented and twisted them in her hair, coaxing his cock as deep in her throat as she would allow before she fought him. She liked to test her limits, and so did he.

Kensi heard Deeks growl a soft "dammit" before tugging her hair hard enough to force a separation between cock and mouth. She popped her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, all the while smiling proudly. "Problem?"

"Bad Kensi." His hands left her hair and immediately found the hem of her shirt, pulling the loose material off of her body in one swift motion. "This is supposed to be about you."

"Oh, Deeks...that was _definitely_ for me." The cool air from the fan above her bed sent a chill over her exposed chest. Her short damp hair wasn't enough to cover her breasts, but she still shook her hair dramatically and jutted her chest out to display herself to him.

The effort didn't go unnoticed. He traced his hands along the top of her shoulders, licking his lips as his rough fingers caressed the smooth curves of her body. He lightly thumbed over the swell of her breasts, sending another shiver coursing through her body. "You like sucking dick, don't you?"

The sharp words struck her, as they usually did when he started talking dirty. It wasn't something she particularly cared for in the past, but for some reason she loved the way it just rolled off his tongue. Hmm, his tongue. "I do," she purred, wiggling her eyebrows.

Just as she thought he was about to cup her and squeeze, he caught her off guard by grabbing her under the arms and flinging her back on the bed. He shimmied out of his pants and pounced on the bed on all fours. "What else do you like?"

The chase was on, she thought. Damn, she needed a bigger bed. And also to get better at talking dirty. She crawled away from him as best as possible, wiggling her butt in the air as she did. "Isn't it your turn to tell me what you like?"

"Hmm, that beautiful ass, to start." Kensi's attempt to keep away from him was an epic failure. Deeks grabbed her hips and kissed her lower back, trailing kisses down her soft cheeks as he slipped her panties off inch by inch. Her eyelids and pussy fluttered at the gentle yet wonderfully naughty touch. "Fucking you like this, on your hands and knees...that is my favorite."

"How animalistic of you," she teased. Lifting her knees, she helped him slip her underwear off.

He grabbed her hips and rolled her onto her back. Spreading her knees, he slid in between her legs and just barely nudged his erection against her slick entrance as he dropped kisses on her neck. Between the blow job and all of the sex toy talk earlier, Kensi was pretty sure he could have taken her right then and there with little resistance. "So," Deeks breathed in her ear. "What's your favorite?"

"Favorite?" Forget the earlier fluttering. He was working his mouth down her body quickly, leaving wet kisses and sharp nips along the way. Throbbing was a more apt description now.

"Position," he mumbled against her hip.

"Right." She tried her damnedest not to raise her hips to catch his mouth as he sucked on her inner thigh, and maintained control until he nudged her clit with his nose. Her body jerked, but that was the only direct stimulation he gave her. "I like to be on top."

"Why?"

Kensi paused, waiting for a shot of electricity sparked by his tongue connecting with her pulsing bundle of nerves. But it never came. Instead he chose to toy with her, licking her slit and sucking on her lips. It felt good, but was only a little more than an extreme tease. It was as if he wasn't even trying to give her an orgasm. "On top is good because I have more control. I can go as fast or as deep as I want. Plus, I like to watch your face. You look awestruck sometimes."

"You just have that affect on me," Deeks replied quietly. And with that, he covered her sex with his mouth and rolled his tongue in circles just until he made her moan. The moan turned to a groan of frustration when he stopped and glanced up at her. "Do you still have any condoms?" He asked casually.

She frowned. He was so weird. They hadn't even used condoms since she started taking the pill months and months ago. "What the...why did you stop?"

"Um, I stopped because I wanted to ask you for a condom."

"Smartass," she growled. When he sat up and crawled out of bed to head to her bathroom, she could only stare in disbelief. Drawers and cabinets opened and closed, he pulled out a bridal magazine and glared at her, and finally he emerged with a blue square wrapper. She plucked it out of his hands and got on her knees to face him.

"Look," he said as he sat next to her. "Whether you like it or not, I'm trying to hold up my end of the deal here. Honestly you taste too good, and I know you're gonna feel too damn good. Trust me on this one?"

Kensi sighed. "Fine." She knew he had a point, and to be fair, they _were_ trying to take a different approach tonight.

"Okay." He smiled and spread out flat on his back, motioning for her to join him. "I want you on top."

Instead of giving him the condom, she opened the wrapper herself and returned his smile. Her eyes were drawn to his naked body and the glistening pre-cum that was practically (in her mind) begging to be cleaned up. "You know what's kinda funny?" she asked, right before flicking her tongue out for another taste of him.

He exhaled slowly. "Enlighten me."

"The differences between us..." Ripping open the condom wrapper, she slid it down his length and straddled his waist. She curled her fingers in his hair and leaned down for a kiss. There was just something incredibly erotic about tasting herself on his lips and knowing he could do the same. "How women struggle to come and men struggle _not_ to come."

Deeks nodded, sighing into the kiss. "And when we meet in the middle..."

"It's magic." She pushed herself up and lifted her hips. What she said earlier was true - she loved watching him watch her, and seeing the delight and anticipation in his eyes as she eased him into her body. The minimal foreplay left her tight, intensifying the sensation of being filled to the hilt. She closed her eyes for a moment and kept perfectly still, allowing their bodies to adjust to their union.

"Good?"

"Oh yeah," she breathed. "Very good."

Usually he would let her be in control when she played cowgirl, as he liked to call it. But this time he gripped her hips with hands and kept her in place, not thrusting but rolling his hips slowly below her. The rhythmic movement was anything but urgent. Almost peaceful and relaxing, she thought. She fought the urge to speed the pace and just let him fuck her as he wanted.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey yourself."

"I ever tell you you're the most beautiful woman on the planet?"

"Ha, yes," she laughed. "But thank you. You're an enigma, Marty Deeks. You go straight from sex toys to sweet talk."

He grinned like a dork. A super sexy dork with messy hair and flushed skin and the look in his eyes that said he wanted to stay buried inside of her for the rest of his life, but still a dork. Letting go of one hip, he reached his hand behind him and pulled out the tiny demon of a vibrator he'd found earlier. "And back to sex toys," he said, placing it in her hand.

Kensi's eyes shifted between Deeks and the vibrator. She raised an eyebrow and twisted the device, jumping when it came alive in her hands. "What, I gotta do all the work?"

"Just use the damn thing. You know better than I do where you want it." His hips rolled and she clamped her mouth shut, preparing herself mentally for her eyeballs to pop out of her head. He pressed his thumbs against her stomach. "Lean back just a little and tell me when I'm where you want me."

"Okay…" She leaned back and pressed the vibrator almost on her clit. This time it didn't fry her brain, thankfully. It actually really damn good. She leaned back just a little further and gasped, involuntarily seizing all of her muscles. "Um, do the thing again. With your hips."

She thought he muttered "oh damn" but she was temporarily muted by whatever the hell it was he was doing inside of her. It was as if the toy and his dick had joined forces together with one sole mission, to render her speechless. She had to force words to form in her brain and throat. "You, hmm, okay down there?"

"Yup." Deeks squeezed her hips and for the first time that night, thrust upward with force. She whimpered and bit her lip so he did it again. "This is extremely hot, by the way."

A familiar and not forgotten feeling started bubbling deep in her gut, but she tried not to focus on it. Don't think about it, her brain shouted. "Yeah? Can you feel it?"

"Yes, very much…feeling it," Deeks said with a shaky chuckle.

Words left her again, but that was okay. No matter how hard she tried not to think about it, she could feel herself climbing higher and higher up her own personal mountain of ecstasy. The fear of the peak had been living with her for months, and she was still afraid that when she reached the top that she would stumble and fall. Her nails dug into her partner's thigh for support and she squeezed her eyes shut, envisioning snowy mountaintops and crisp air filling her lungs. She was there, and she wasn't going to fall.

Instead she flew. And _possibly_ blacked out for a minute, but the pulsations deep in her core soon brought her back to reality.

"Oh thank God." Deeks hadn't sounded so relieved in a long time. "That was real."

"Uh huh." An easy smile spread across her face. Her heart was still racing and she was panting but felt like she had a new surge of energy. "I want to do it again."

"Are you gonna…"

She fought through the pang of sensitivity and held her vibrator tighter as she excitedly nodded her head and bucked her hips in rhythm with his. "Yes…yes yes." The contractions were weaker, but damn if she didn't lose it all again right there. It was too much for Deeks to hold in anymore. He joined her in celebration, pulling her to his chest to ride out his orgasm with him. As they both eased their way down with his arms wrapped around her, an incessant buzzing interrupted what would have been an intensely romantic moment.

If their lovemaking couldn't have been heard through her thin apartment walls, their laughter as they scrambled around her bed to find the lost toy sure were.

"Got it!" Kensi shouted, switching her new best friend off.

"Ack, be right back, forgot about this thing," Deeks said, rushing to the bathroom to dispose of his prophylactic.

Kensi pulled her tee shirt back on but didn't bother with panties. She didn't plan on needing them, anyway. "That was fun," she said, wiggling her eyebrows as she joined him in the bathroom. "Thank you."

He opened his mouth but didn't speak, and she could practically see all the funny comments spinning around in his head. Instead of discrediting himself or mocking the help from their third party, he simply nodded with a small smile. "It _was_ fun."

"We should do it again, maybe with some of the other ones. After pizza, of course."

Deeks' eyes grew wide. "Oh no, have we awakened the beast?"

"Maybe," she shrugged. "But hey, if you can't keep up, I have plenty of other-"

"I can keep up," he interrupted confidently. "I just might have to tide you over in between sessions with some of my infamous dirty talk while I recuperate. Maybe whip out some old dirty Detective Deeks for you."

Kensi wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing his chest while she squeezed his still bare bottom. "I'm actually kinda curious about how dirty Special Agent Deeks talks."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, he's still sort of new, but he's been practicing a while." Deeks grinned. "I can talk weapons of mass destruction."

"Uh huh."

"Shootouts with AKs."

"Ooooh."

"Disarming bombs with two seconds left on the timer."

She squeezed again. "Tell me more."

"You like that, don't you?"

Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him softly on the lips. "I love it."


End file.
